Shopping List

I've been on about 30 retreats in my life, probably more. It has been a rate of at least two a year since I was 15, and I am now 29. I've been in some leadership capacity for most, and I've been the coordinator for about 10.

So I've been retreat shopping many times before.

But this is different. For instance, a tried and true technique for youth retreats is candy. If you want to raise the energy level of a group of teens, Twizzlers are your friends. While I'm sure homeless youth enjoy candy as much as their homed counterparts, I feel that feasting on sugar is the wrong way to set the mood.

Other considerations are different. Audio/visual is less of a concern. We don't need or rather shouldn't have an overhead projector. There won't be mood music for activities.

At the same time, there are other needs I've never considered. I've never had to think about our methods of self defense. I'm an ardent pacifist, so I had laid down a no weapons rule from the outset. Obviously no guns and no knives.

One youth asked, "How do you feel about blunt weapons."

"What if I said I preferred no blunt weapons?"

"Then we need pepper spray."

So pepper spray makes the shopping list. The day before the retreat I call a few gun stores whose websites say they sell it, but no luck. They tell me to call sports equipment stores. I do. The only type they have is bear spray. Over the phone I ask the clerk if you can shoot a person with it. "It'd stop a pretty big person!" he says. Upon visiting the store I discover federal regulation prohibits use of animal-formulated spray on humans. This makes sense, though it is now the day of the retreat, and I am really very desperate. I call a friend to brainstorm what to do now. He jokes that it would be easier to get a gun in this state.

As I drive home from failing to procure our sole form of protection, I pass Tempe Firearms and Collectibles. Perfect.

Well-worn black steel weapons lay casually in glass cases. Four people are working, but they are all busy. Gladly, they are very attentive in providing customer service. A mother is buying a rifle for her preteen daughter. A group of young men cluster and point, discussing the merits of a particular piece with a sales associate whose large handgun (small cannon) bulges off of his chest harness.

Eventually I am helped. They have one kind: WHUPASS. Ok. I buy two.

Other shopping is less dramatic.
Eight green disposable cameras.
Twelve 100-sheet notebooks.
One package of mechanical pencils.
First aid kit.